what fascinates me more...

the love we have shared
as friends
as lovers
as discontent unsatisfied lost
mid twenties youth.

the entangled
misunderstood
disenchanted
of what we find fascinating.

your talk of poems
as they become.
your disassociation
with reality.
and me.

what do i know
of writing poems
of realities
i have yet seen?

their is no place like home todo.

the best contribution that a lover could offer would be to force me out of my cozy bed and into the sidewalks of responsibility.  my to do list has slowly grown into a novel and i can only find two things on it worth getting putting clothes on for.

the Deli
find a Record Player
import compact discs
buy groceries
cash checks
mail stuff to people i love
email people i care about
put up shelves
find a rug
paint a wall
make a Sol LeWitt piece to channel my true love
tell emily that two men want her

the Deli.  the concept.  a cooperative run deli that makes it by, by young individuals offering their services as volunteers.  this group in the community is beautiful. inspiring. and a stepping stone to the future of creating more intimate spaces for more beautiful. creative. young people.

how many of these could i find in my house.  i probably shouldnt keep grocery shopping out of my own refrigerator.  i think the record player  found wobbles.  i can steal the cabinet doors from the kitchen to make shelves.  i can import compact discs from bed.  i can channel my true love from bed, but that isnt as romantic as putting string all over the wall and dreaming of dreary days in north adams.

get me up if you love me.

(thats what he said)

ready

today.  today i am becoming ready. stressed. ready. 
letting things roll off my back is a skill i feel i gained with patience. both virtues i hope to perfect. as they seem to come and go in this infant point.  i feel fairly confident about the next two weeks.  saying good byes for the second time this year in this town i have such strong feelings for.  watching my mother struggle with dillemmas.  remembering every thing will fall into place. 
one thing that i will gracefully reflect on today is a sense of confidence. confidence in choices, in self-awareness, in attitude, in self-preservation. in spite of always coming across as confident.  partly because i was.  i have been noticing a drastic change in the way that confidence feels.  my confidence in recent months seems less cocky. at times less contrived.  more sparsely noticed. although i cant say i recall noticing my feelings towards my confidence previously.  i feel a general positive disposition towards it now.  in simple terms. i like how my confidence has blossomed and i feel confident about where it is headed.  it feels healthy.

fenders reflected

 

borrowed the too high clunky raleigh from sava. i didnt have to use it. i got my schwinn back. thank goodness.  the couch is over priced and the picture is beautiful.

cant live without big eyes.

.moths against the window screen.